New Years Resolutions

While most of my real friends as well as some of my cyber friends have already made their new years resolutions posts, I still have not. I just wanted some time to think about it first before I sent it out into the world. And I'm still not completely sure what I want out of this year. To be honest 2008 sucked. To me it just flew by and I don't feel I accomplished much. Ok I know what most of you are thinking. "But you graduated from college!" And I understand that reasoning but I would give that degree back just to feel normal again. I'm sure I've said this before but until now my whole life I have always known what the next step is. Grade school... jr high... high school.... college... next semester... the next semester... graduate.... the end. Ok... now get a job. Riiiigggghhhtttt. I'll get right on that. I'm so utterly lost, that I have completly shut down. I have gotten so frustrated looking for a job that I don't really want that I have just stopped. I truely know deep down in my heart what my goal is. But I'm not sure how to get there. I don't know where to start and I don't know who to turn to for help. I know I have to do this on my own but that makes me feel even more alone. I know life isn't easy and I'm not expecting this to be handed to me on a silver platter but, I had NO idea it would be this hard. And even more more body has waged war against me. I'm sure its my hormones out of wack but this is really not helping me right now.

So... back to my new years resolutions. First, I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself and come up with some sort of plan. I don't care how hard it is I'm going to figure out how to get what I truely want. Second, I'm going to be a better friend. Friends are suppose to be there for you during times like this and I'm not letting them for some reason or another. I'm still not 100% on why I have been doing that but its going to stop. I'm not a selfish person and I don't want that thougth to even cross their minds. Third, even though my hormones hate me right now I'm going to do everything in my power to be more healthy. Now I'm not going to stay I want to lose weight. I'm taking some advice from my friend Erin and I'm just going to make healthier decisions. (Not eating out as much, not eating when I'm not hungry and so on...) And fourth and the most important, I'm going to be good to myself. I know it may sound stupid or cheesy but I'm going to work on loving myself. Because if I can't love myself then then how do I expect anyone else to.

I'm sure I've posted this quote before but it has truely changed my life. Read it a couple times. Then think about it. It may change yours too.

"If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, your disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all this is left is a compromise."