Loving me!!

"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
- Carrie Bradshaw

So every girl has a little psycho in them! Please, please, please forgive my last post. I can't believe how I over reacted over literally nothing! Maybe I can blame it on PMS? Perhaps? Well whatever it was I am feeling better this evening.

I may not show it a lot but I don't have the best self- esteem and I know it. I'm not 100% as to why that is, but nevertheless it's true. I know that there is something missing in my life. So, I try to fill it with boys and food. (Which I have come to the conclusion that they were both placed on this Earth by the Devil himself.) Those are two of the things that I think will make me happy at the time. But usually in the end, do not. Like big fatty fast food hamburgers and boys who only make me feel good for a night, a day, a week. Neither of them make me feel good in the long run. In the end they make me fat and feeling lonely. So.... what do I need to do? Get better self- esteem! And how am I going to do that? Well... I am going to... uhhh... well first I will.... *clears throat*... yeah. I don't know how the heck I'm going to do that. Well I do know that if I had a better job, one where I don't cry everyday when I pull into the parking lot, and made money that a normal person could survive on then I might have a bit more self- esteem. I also do know that once I hit my goal Weight Watchers weight I will definitely feel better about myself. So, maybe I do have a plan after all. I know it's not something I am going to gain over night. I know it's going to take some work, but I'm willing. I just want to be happy, and especially happy about how I feel about myself. And then, maybe, just maybe I might find someone that loves the me that I love. But as the age old saying goes, I'll never find someone to love me if I don't love me first. Carrie was definitely right... as always.