To Be Yourself is All that You Can Do

When I was growing up I thought that being liked and loved was the most important thing. In school, I was never the popular girl, the athletic person, or anything like that. Even if my so- called friends were mean to me, which happened a lot especially in middle school, I would just take it. In fear that I would be without friends. I would do anything to please them. And they took advantage of me.

As I grew older, I realized that if they were doing that then they weren't truly friends. Now at 25 almost 26 I don't have "friends" like that. But old habits don't die that easily.

I still have this complex that if I disagree or say something wrong that someone may not like me. Even people very close to me.

D tells me all the time that he loves me for me. But yet I still sometimes just want to agree with him when I don't. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's a fear of him not liking me anymore and leaving.

It may sound like something so simple for some, but being myself all the time is something I really do struggle with.

I consider myself a very truthful person. I don't lie. I hate liars. Trust is the most important thing to me in a relationship, yet sometimes I find myself agreeing with things I don't agree with or don't know anything about. For what? Why do I do this? For things that are so small, minuscule.

Do you ever feel like you don't know yourself very well? That maybe some people know you better than you know yourself? What are some good ways to get to know yourself better?

A Brand New Year

Well hello 2010! You just kinda sprang outa nowhere. I know this is a very sorry excuse for a blog as of late. But when you blog as a career, it's hard to get the motivation to do it on your off time.

Well, it looks like it's a new decade as well. I really wish I had pictures from the past decade to include in this post like my friend Faith did. But that would require a scanner and a bunch of time. Unfortunately I have neither. It would have made a very interesting post though. Perhaps I will make it a project of mine for sometime this year.

Anyway, 2009 wasn't half bad. Actually half it sucked while the other half totally rocked. I honestly don't even remember the first half. Looking back at old posts, it looked like I talked about the same 3 things over and over. Boys, weight loss, and finding a job.

And then fate happened when my mom told me about a website called plentyoffish.com; a FREE dating website. What could be better than a single, poor chick looking for a guy? I dated some creepy interesting guys. But on one night in late July I had a date with a guy. A guy I would fall head over heels for. I know it's only been 5 months, but I seriously feel like I have known him forever. He treats me exactly the way I want/ deserve to be treated. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us.



And just as importantly I landed my first professional job! For almost a year before that I felt worthless and like my education was for not. What a horrible feeling after spending 6 years in college. My job is amazing! I feel like I am not only using my degree but learning new things in the process. The company is so good to me. I even got a paid vacation only after 3 months of working there. I feel appreciated and like the work I am doing is really helping the business profit.


Of course slipping into comfort zone with the BF has left me with some not so healthy eating habits. BUT I haven't gained back everything... some... not everything. But we both belong to a the same gym, so we are encouraging each other to start working out again. It's much easy with your partner by your side.

So here is to a new year, a new decade, and as always working towards a better ME!

Reasons why I haven't been blogging.

Well it hasn't been because I have been going to the gym everyday. That's for sure. But today is the day I'm going back. I just need to get back into the habit. Once it gets routine then it wont be as hard.

So, on to the real reasons why I haven't been blogging.

There is the work stuff....

Here is me in my office.

I really love my job. I get to go to cool social media networking events... I did today even and I also get to edit video! What the heck you say??? Yeah that's right ya'll. I'm actually using my degree! Who'd a thunk it?

There is the many social functions that I have attended...

Like Julie's bachelorette party...

John's 30th Birthday party...

This is John's birthday cake. 30 but somehow still 12.

Since it was a kid themed party, saying goodbye to John's youth, they had dress up stuff for us to play around with. Don't you love my glasses?!

Halloween....

D surprised me with a trip to the pumpkin patch. He bought us two pumpkins but when it came time to carve them one had started to rot. So, he let me carve my stencil. Here it is...

Here I am as a roman empress. D was a gladiator so we kinda matched. I'm not sure what was up with me hair but we had a good time anyway.

Then there was Julie and K's wedding...

Here are just a few from that night. We had a BLAST!

Lauren, me and Kandis... we were all are part of the House Party, the official cake choppers.

Julie's beautiful bridal cake. Yummy too!

Julie and her bridal party.

Julie and K during their first dance.

And this is me... I photoshoped it a little bit :-)

Then of course there has been fun times with D...

We were bored one Saturday so we took a trip downtown... he showed me "the internet" or where the servers are for the web development company he works for.... not too exciting but he took me out on the roof of the building and it was pretty cool view.

There was also an event going on called "Chalk it up" where different artists from around the city came down and drew some of pieces in chalk on the sidewalk. It was actually pretty cool!

D also took me to the zoo...

Speaking of D... I was at an event today at a hotel right by D's work. When I got in my car today after the luncheon... this is what I found on my windshield...

FYI

Someone is Spain and in Australia has read my blog! That is so cool!

Since everyone else is doing it....

Conversations with D...

While driving up to Walgreens...

D: What is that on the Walgreens sign?

Me: I think it's a motor and pestle.

D: What's that?

Me: You know... what they used to use in the old days to smash up the herbs to make medicine.

D: *Thinks for a second* How come witches brews always have eye of newt in them? There're probably a lot of one eyed newts walking around because of that.

Lack of blogging recipe

Dear Lordy it has been a long time since I've written.

Here is the perfect recipe for taking forever to write my blog

1 heaping TBSP of laziness

1/4 cup of writers block

2 oz busy with the new job

1 pint boyfriend

1 gallon "when everything is going well and you have nothing to complain about it's hard to write a blog"

Pour all together into one bowl; stir well. Bake at 400 degrees for a little less than a month and you have the perfect recipe for the absence of my blog.

But seriously folks... my life lately has been fantastic.

The job is going great! Right now, at least, it is low stress, the hours are awesome, it's definitely something I went to school for, my bosses are great and I feel like I am really contributing to the growth of the company. *Plus* I have my own office and they even bought me a Macbook Pro for me to use!

And what oh what can I say about my D. I'm in love. Plainly and simply put. I feel like I've known him for a long time. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, blush, feel whole. I feel more confident in myself just having him in my life. Being loved is a wonderful feeling. And loving another the same way feels equally if not better.

One thing I have been thinking about lately though is I really don't want to loose myself as D and I become closer. I have to remember what is important to me, what I like to do for myself, what are the things that make me happy.

So, one thing I thought of was looking for someone to give me voice lessons. I always tell people that I came out of the womb singing. I LOVE to sing! But the problem is, is that I don't have a God given talent. I've always needed direction and LOTS of practice. I've taken voice lessons before and got better. So, I've decided I want to do it again. I wonder how much people charge for that kind of thing?

Hopefully it won't be almost another month until my next blog.

Transitions and Changes

I've been neglecting my best friend. I'm just going to come right out and say it. And I really feel bad. I feel bad, because I know exactly how it feels. Your best friend gets a boyfriend and then suddenly she falls off the face of the Earth. I never wanted to become that girl, but yet, somehow I have. I've become the girl that I used to complain about when I was single. I've become the girl that can never be without him. And I SO do not want to be that girl. Admitting you have a problem is the first step right? I want D to be an extra bonus, wonderful addition to my life, not be my life. I LOVE spending time with D but I miss my girls. They have been my support for a long time and I wouldn't be where I am today without them. Especially my bestie. I love her! We can scream at each other on the phone and still work things out in the end. That's just the way we are.

*On a side note, I explained to D that I had been neglecting bestie (not his fault at all, its all me) and I am going to start making more time for her... and he completely understood. As well he should have, but I'm still just amazed of how good of a person he is. Just another reason why I love him so much.*

Lets see... hmmm... what else... oh yeah... one little thing...

I GOT A JOB!!!!!

You are looking at the new Social Network Marketing Specialist for a local apartment relocation service here in SA. I will be doing their social media as well as their public relations. I am SO excited about this job. It's a brand new, exciting up-in-coming field. Here is a video that shows some stats about how social media is a new revolution not just a fad.



I will be promoting the business through different social media channels and outlets. I finally get the pay I deserve, BENEFITS, and out of all get the satisfaction that I got my degree for a reason. All the time and money in school really did pay off.

Lots of things changing in my life... but I believe it's for the better.

*BTW... not sure why the last part is in huge font. I tried to change it but I couldn't get it back to normal. Oh well... it is BIG news :-)