Reasons why I haven't been blogging.

Well it hasn't been because I have been going to the gym everyday. That's for sure. But today is the day I'm going back. I just need to get back into the habit. Once it gets routine then it wont be as hard.

So, on to the real reasons why I haven't been blogging.

There is the work stuff....

Here is me in my office.

I really love my job. I get to go to cool social media networking events... I did today even and I also get to edit video! What the heck you say??? Yeah that's right ya'll. I'm actually using my degree! Who'd a thunk it?

There is the many social functions that I have attended...

Like Julie's bachelorette party...

John's 30th Birthday party...

This is John's birthday cake. 30 but somehow still 12.

Since it was a kid themed party, saying goodbye to John's youth, they had dress up stuff for us to play around with. Don't you love my glasses?!

Halloween....

D surprised me with a trip to the pumpkin patch. He bought us two pumpkins but when it came time to carve them one had started to rot. So, he let me carve my stencil. Here it is...

Here I am as a roman empress. D was a gladiator so we kinda matched. I'm not sure what was up with me hair but we had a good time anyway.

Then there was Julie and K's wedding...

Here are just a few from that night. We had a BLAST!

Lauren, me and Kandis... we were all are part of the House Party, the official cake choppers.

Julie's beautiful bridal cake. Yummy too!

Julie and her bridal party.

Julie and K during their first dance.

And this is me... I photoshoped it a little bit :-)

Then of course there has been fun times with D...

We were bored one Saturday so we took a trip downtown... he showed me "the internet" or where the servers are for the web development company he works for.... not too exciting but he took me out on the roof of the building and it was pretty cool view.

There was also an event going on called "Chalk it up" where different artists from around the city came down and drew some of pieces in chalk on the sidewalk. It was actually pretty cool!

D also took me to the zoo...

Speaking of D... I was at an event today at a hotel right by D's work. When I got in my car today after the luncheon... this is what I found on my windshield...

FYI

Someone is Spain and in Australia has read my blog! That is so cool!

Since everyone else is doing it....

Conversations with D...

While driving up to Walgreens...

D: What is that on the Walgreens sign?

Me: I think it's a motor and pestle.

D: What's that?

Me: You know... what they used to use in the old days to smash up the herbs to make medicine.

D: *Thinks for a second* How come witches brews always have eye of newt in them? There're probably a lot of one eyed newts walking around because of that.

Lack of blogging recipe

Dear Lordy it has been a long time since I've written.

Here is the perfect recipe for taking forever to write my blog

1 heaping TBSP of laziness

1/4 cup of writers block

2 oz busy with the new job

1 pint boyfriend

1 gallon "when everything is going well and you have nothing to complain about it's hard to write a blog"

Pour all together into one bowl; stir well. Bake at 400 degrees for a little less than a month and you have the perfect recipe for the absence of my blog.

But seriously folks... my life lately has been fantastic.

The job is going great! Right now, at least, it is low stress, the hours are awesome, it's definitely something I went to school for, my bosses are great and I feel like I am really contributing to the growth of the company. *Plus* I have my own office and they even bought me a Macbook Pro for me to use!

And what oh what can I say about my D. I'm in love. Plainly and simply put. I feel like I've known him for a long time. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, blush, feel whole. I feel more confident in myself just having him in my life. Being loved is a wonderful feeling. And loving another the same way feels equally if not better.

One thing I have been thinking about lately though is I really don't want to loose myself as D and I become closer. I have to remember what is important to me, what I like to do for myself, what are the things that make me happy.

So, one thing I thought of was looking for someone to give me voice lessons. I always tell people that I came out of the womb singing. I LOVE to sing! But the problem is, is that I don't have a God given talent. I've always needed direction and LOTS of practice. I've taken voice lessons before and got better. So, I've decided I want to do it again. I wonder how much people charge for that kind of thing?

Hopefully it won't be almost another month until my next blog.

Transitions and Changes

I've been neglecting my best friend. I'm just going to come right out and say it. And I really feel bad. I feel bad, because I know exactly how it feels. Your best friend gets a boyfriend and then suddenly she falls off the face of the Earth. I never wanted to become that girl, but yet, somehow I have. I've become the girl that I used to complain about when I was single. I've become the girl that can never be without him. And I SO do not want to be that girl. Admitting you have a problem is the first step right? I want D to be an extra bonus, wonderful addition to my life, not be my life. I LOVE spending time with D but I miss my girls. They have been my support for a long time and I wouldn't be where I am today without them. Especially my bestie. I love her! We can scream at each other on the phone and still work things out in the end. That's just the way we are.

*On a side note, I explained to D that I had been neglecting bestie (not his fault at all, its all me) and I am going to start making more time for her... and he completely understood. As well he should have, but I'm still just amazed of how good of a person he is. Just another reason why I love him so much.*

Lets see... hmmm... what else... oh yeah... one little thing...

I GOT A JOB!!!!!

You are looking at the new Social Network Marketing Specialist for a local apartment relocation service here in SA. I will be doing their social media as well as their public relations. I am SO excited about this job. It's a brand new, exciting up-in-coming field. Here is a video that shows some stats about how social media is a new revolution not just a fad.



I will be promoting the business through different social media channels and outlets. I finally get the pay I deserve, BENEFITS, and out of all get the satisfaction that I got my degree for a reason. All the time and money in school really did pay off.

Lots of things changing in my life... but I believe it's for the better.

*BTW... not sure why the last part is in huge font. I tried to change it but I couldn't get it back to normal. Oh well... it is BIG news :-)

Talkin Smack

So lately one of my favorite bloggers, Chelsea Talks Smack, seems to have been writing just for me. These last couple of posts have been EXCELLENTLY written.

Here is one about connecting with people in the "real" life not just the 3D life.

And here is another about being afraid to fall in love.

Finally here is another about doing what you love to do even if it doesn't make any sense to anyone else but yourself.

If you don't already read her blog, then you NEED to subscribe ASAP! This girl is one cool chick who oddly enough seems to speak directly to me. Thanks Chelsea for making me feel not quite so alone.

Mature Relationship

Well hello blogosphere! I know one of the unspoken rules of writing a blog is that you aren't suppose to apologize for not writing for a while, but I honestly do apologize. It's not like I haven't sat down and tried to write something several times... I have.

And I'm not going to lie, I have been spending a lot time with the new bf... D... but that's not the whole reason why I haven't written in a while. I just wanted to write something that made some kind of sense.

As I look back over my list of criteria D matches up almost perfectly. Although there are some things that don't match I have found that it doesnt really matter. So what if his favorite band isn't The Beatles, I like teaching him all that I know about them, its fun! He's kind, generous, compasionate, caring, and loving. He makes me laugh... laugh so hard that my sides hurt!

But sometimes I think, "Am I capable of having a mature relationship?" I hope that I am. I have had a lot of past experiences that I have learned from, I have read The Rules and "The Bitch Book" AKA "The Bible" AKA "Why Men Love Bitches", I have talked enlessly about men with my girlfriends, and I have seen every episode of Sex in the City ever made. But is this enough? Is anyone ever ready for a mature relationship?

And what consists of a mature relationship anyway? Right now I'm just going to take it day by day. Live in the moment. I'm going to enjoy his compaionship. I'm going to enjoy the side- splitting laughter, the long kisses goodnight, holding his hand, going out to dinner, watching movies together, taking his dog to park, and getting to know his family better. It's been a long time since I have been in a relationship. But it was definitely worth the wait. :-)

The curse has lifted!

Writers block has cursed my fingers once again. Or perhaps I have been so wrapped up in my changing thoughts and feelings that it has been nearly impossible for me to write something half way coherent. I guess being in limbo can do that to you sometimes.

For a while I have been wanting to get the heck out of dodge. For a lot of reasons, but most importantly because I needed to save money and start paying back my debts. The job search has been frugal and not at all successful. I am still uncertain as to exactly why I haven't been able to find something. I assume it's the economy, but it also might be me. Maybe, although I thought I was, perhaps I really wasn't trying as hard as I should have. College grads have it especially hard finding a job. They have little to no experience because they have spent so much time completing their degree. But yet they have spent so much money completing their degree they need to find a job that can be beneficial financially to them. It's almost a Catch- 22. As for me, I feel like I have a ton of experience in a lot of random stuff. My degree was in communications so I could really do anything. It's just sometimes hard to express in one lousy cover letter or resume. (Although, I think my resume is awesome! But apparently that is just me that thinks that.) So, my new goal is to bug the sh*t out of all the businesses that I apply to. You know about the proverbial squeaky wheel... well that's going to be me! I hate my current job more than EVER right now so that's just a little extra fuel for the fire. I really do think that I would be an excellent addition to any company.

Besides the foreboding nightmare that is my job search I am very happy to say that I LOVE my work that I have been doing for Parker Creek. I would be super sad and depressed if these guys weren't in my life. We completed not one, but TWO shorts for a competition a couple of weeks ago. It was a challenge that we were to remake a movie that spanned no more than ten minutes. The first one was a remake of Office Space and Evil Dead 2. By the way... that's my voice in the background that you hear. Also, this video already has over 300 views!



And the second took home 2nd place! This was by far the most fun I had on a movie set.

Night Of The Living Socks!

Oh yeah, also... I.... kinda have a boyfriend now. Well not kinda, I do. I think I have finally met someone that is as much of a dork as I am. We get a vast majority of each others random references. I find his sense of humor hilarious. He thinks he is a big nerd, but I appreciate it so much! I find that sort of thing very attractive. Perhaps it's because he's not afraid to be himself, that I find so appealing. He's respectful, caring, compassionate, SO funny, and best of all we have such a good time together. I haven't felt this way in a long time and I am incredibly happy. I really look forward to getting to know him better.

One last thing. Last Sunday I got the chance to see Green Day live in concert. I bought the ticket early in the summer not having anyone to go with. And I ended up going alone. I had SO much fun! I have been a huge fan of theirs since middle school and getting to see them live on stage was one of the best moments ever. When I was 13 I had Green Day posters hung up in my room right next to Hanson posters. My brother used to tell me my room didnt make sense. But while my love of Hanson faded away my love for Green Day stayed the same. I will never forget when Bille Joe sang "When I Come Around." I felt like I was 12 again. It brought back a flood of memories. A flood of great memories!

Letters

Dear Texas Summer,

While I loved you as a child I currently am fed up with your one millionth day of 100+ heat. Can you please tone it down a bit. I would be forever grateful.

Thanks,
Super sweaty

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Dear Blog,

I swear I didn't forget about you! I have had major writers block. I haven't cheated on you, I promise. I just have those microblogs on the side. Twitter and Facebook don't count as cheating... right??

Forever yours,
Worthless Blogger

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Dear Body,

You make me insane! And you make completely no sense at all. I feed you nothing but veggies and fruit for over a week and you gain weight. I feed you pizza, Sonic, and brownies and you feel awesome! What?? Can you please make up your mind. I would be forever in you debt.

Yours truely,
Confused

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Dear Job Seekers,

Here I am! Pick me! Pick me! I have a college degree. I'm smart and a VERY hard worker. I would be a huge asset to your company. Come one... you know you want me.

Broke as a Joke

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Dear John Hughes,

I LOVE your films. You created some masterpieces that I will never forget. Thank you for giving us Ferris Bueller, 16 Candles, The Breakfast Club, and Pretty in Pink. You will never be forgotten.

Always,
Hughes Fan

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Dear Brain,

Why do you always have to disagree with Heart. I command you to get along. Starting right now!

Becky

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Dear Heart,

Why do you always have to disagree with Brain. I command you to get along. Starting right now!

Becky

WTF body?

You are forewarned... in this post I will be complaining... A LOT.

So for the past 16 weeks I have been on the Weight Watchers program. It started out great! The first week I lost over 2 pounds. And for the next month or so it was up and down but mostly down (that's a good thing in this case) But for the past month I have not lost AT ALL. Ever since my birthday I have gained each week. Well one week I stayed exactly the same, but whatev. It's just not making sense. I'm doing the plan like I have always done it and it's not working. So, last week after a 0.5 gain I told myself "I'm going to stick to the plan like I've never stuck to the plan before. I planned my meals out for the whole week. I never ate so many fruits in vegetables in my life!! I went running and walking. I didn't do any other snacking. I wrote EVERYTHING down like I was suppose to. I didn't drink any alcohol or beer. I didn't go out to eat. I cooked healthy meals. I actually felt really good. Saturday morning I went to the WW meeting... I stepped on the scale... and the receptionist gives me a sad look. I said almost laughing, "what I didn't gain, did I?" She was like yeah 0.6 lbs. I nearly lost it! "You have go to be kidding me," I said. "That's impossible." I'm pretty sure she was just as dumbfounded as I was.

The thing is I know for a fact that this program works. A couple of years ago I did it very successfully. I lost 22 pounds. I know it works. Everyone that does it and sticks to it is quite successful. So, I don't know what's wrong with me. It's actually kinda scaring me. What if there is something wrong with my thirod? I dont know what to do about it. On one hand I don't want to keep paying for it if I'm not losing, but on the other I dont want to quit yet. I'm not a quitter and I'm determined to get down to my goal weight. Perhaps I should go see a doctor. Sigh....

Complaining FIN....

Just act like a man and not care

Since Pre- BF Mr. Invisible fell off the face of the Earth, I have decided something. I am just going to stop caring. Yeah you heard me, stop caring... about guys that is. I have wasted so many hours caring about guys who do not care about me. So, I decided I am NOT going to do that anymore! Anyway, since I made that decision I have been really happy. I have focused on other parts of my life that I really DO care about.

My health... I have never eaten so many fruits and vegetables this week in all my life and I have really come to love running.

Making movies... I have been editing The Storm's End for a couple weeks now and really realized how much I love editing. Parker Creek also teamed up with another small production company here in SA to film a 10 minute remake of Office Space (with a twist). I'm super excited to see how that one turns out.

Here I am making sure the actors get their lines right. Also, I don't think you can tell here but it was like a million degrees in this studio. We had to turn off the AC because we could hear it humming threw the mics.

My job... well that's another story. I found out that a girl there who has been there a year or two less then me, does not have a college degree or hardly a high school degree, who leaves at 2:30 everyday, and who doesn't even speak correctly makes $3.50 MORE than me. Yes, your eyes are not mistaken you. $3.50 more than me! I was SO mad. I couldn't even think straight. Not only is that not fair but it's not right in the least.

So, this whole not caring thing is what I have been calling "Acting like a man." If I guy texts me or calls me, I don't answer and forget to call them back. If they ask me out I decline saying I already have plans with the girls. But, unfortunately it's backfiring. Guys freaking like that! Ugh... can't they see that I just don't care anymore???!!!!

Weekend Wrap- up

This weekend was very sparatic (sp?) and random. But fun! I love it when you really don't have anything planned but it turns out to be a good time anyway.

Friday night I had the San Antonio Film Festival to attend since Parker Creek's latest picture was going to be featured. I'm not sure how prestigious this film festival was but it seemed like a good time none the less. I headed downtown to meet the cast and crew at Pat O'Brian's on the river walk for a drink before the showing. For some reason we decided to sit on the patio. Let me just tell you it was like over 100 degrees outside and I was shvitzing out of every pore on my body. I was sweating from places I didn't even know I could sweat from. Anyway, I snidely mentioned that I should pore the pitcher of water that was sitting on the table on my head and how good it would feel. One of PC's crew "J" said...

J: well why don't you then?
Me: I would if you paid me. (still joking)
J: Ok... I've jot $20. (totally not joking and lays money on the table)
Other guy at the table: I've got $45 (totally not joking)
Another guy at the table: I've got $4 (totally not joking)

So... everyone started putting money on the table. Well mostly the guys.



Next thing I know there is over $100 on the table. Another friend of mine there apparently needed the money was hot too so she offered to do it with me. Let me just tell you. It was so worth it. I got $76 and got to cool off for like 1/2 hour. But unfortunately someone got it on video. Oh well!

Then we headed over to the festival. I'm glad that I just earned some money because it is was $15 to get in. But it was worth it. I always love seeing out work on a big screen.

After that, one of the actresses we used for "The Storm's End" asked me if I wanted to go to a DVD release party with her. (I need to start practicing my networking skills for Hollywood don't I?) So I said sure! It was pretty cool. We mingled, got free booze, and danced a bit. It was a really random turn of events but it was pretty fun none the less. She is a pretty cool chick who has lived an interesting life so far.

Saturday, I went to my WW meeting and learned that I gained for the second week in a row. I know I did though. After my birthday week of eating out almost every night I was bound to. So I cheered myself up by getting a caramel lite frappuccino from Starbucks (only 3 points for a grande!) and went to Goodwill. I didn't find any clothes but I did pick up a cute Nine West purse for only $4!!! Saturday night I went out for Sushi with Steph and Julie. We went to a new place that none of us have ever been. It was suppose to be the best sushi in SA. And it was!!! While it was rather expensive it was SO worth it! After that we ended up at Faith's house (even though she was in N'awlins) to hang out with her oh so lonely hubby. We played rockband to the wee hours of the night and I lost my voice singing "Livin' on a Prayer."

Sunday, I spent most of my day sleeping. (I slept in till 1:30 PM) So, I watched HP4 and went grocery shopping.

It was great weekend! I hope this coming weekend is as eventful.

I have Friday off! I have no idea what I'm going to do. Relax is my only plan so far.

MJ

When someone passes, whether it be someone you know personally or someone the world may know you start to remember the times you've shared or your memories of that person. When Michael Jackson died on Thursday it made me start thinking about the memories I have had of him in my lifetime.

• When I was six, my Dad, brother and I took the Amtrack train to LA to visit my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins. It was a three day long trip on the train. Since I was at the wise age of six I got to pack my own bag. And since we were going to be spending three whole days on the train I packed the essentials games, toys, and books for the long journey. One thing I regretably did not realize until after it was too late was that your bagage was loaded underneath the train only to be collected after your araival in LA. So, when it came time to change for bed that first evening we all realized that Becky did not pack any clothes for our train ride. I was suppose to pack a carry on for the three days we were going to be traveling on the train. Everyone knew this except me apparently. So for the next three days I wore the exact same thing. Stonewash jeans and a Michael Jackson shirt that was handed down to me from my cousin. It was a grey cut off shirt with purple sleeves attached underneath with a big huge picture of MJ on the front. I so wish I still had that shirt. It was ridiculously awesome.

• One Saturday while I was in Middle School I was flipping through stations on TV when I came across a marathon of The Jacksons: An American Dream. It was mini series that came out a couple of years before and whatever station I was watching decided to put all 4 1 hour episodes back to back. I started watching it and couldn't stop. I remember my Dad leaving the house and coming back a couple hours later and asking, "Is that still on?" But it was really well done. It was about how the Jackson 5 started out and became famous. I learned a lot about them and also realized that MJ didn't really get much of a childhood. Perhaps that was why he was so messed up in later years.

• Whenever I hear the song "Beat It" I think of two things. (1) The scene in Back to the Future 2 when Marty walks into the 80's diner in the future and they are playing it and (2) Weird Al's parody "Eat It."

• This has to be one of the funniest things I have ever seen. I know it wasn't made to be funny. But it truely is. I laugh every time I see it.

Michael Jackson was an American icon that will always be remembered He changed the face of pop music and shared his awesome dance moves and his amazingly talented voice with the world. Michael may be gone from this world but his music will remain forever.

"If you wanna make the world a better place take a look at yourself and then make a change."

-Michael Jackson

Dream Job

If I could do anything for a living, what would it be? Well it would be a photographer for Rolling Stone Magazine 1967 to 1997. Yeah, I know I know there are like three different things wrong with that but it's my "dream" job, right?

So since time travel hasn't been invented... yet... my ultimate dream job, would be an assistant director in film. Yes, I said assistant. I have always been sort of a follower. Not so much a leader. It seems like everyone in the film business wants to be a film maker, be the director. But I really enjoy the duties of being assistant to the director. Wikipedia describes the roll of 1st AD as the person who is "directly responsible to the producer and runs the floor or set." Wikipedia also claims that the production manager as well as the 1st AD are the two highest technical roles in film making. If you ever watch the credits at the end of the movie the 1st AD and the production manager are almost always listed first. I can't wait to see my name on the credits. It's not a matter of if it is a matter of when.

RIP

Michael Jackson
August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009

Farrah Fawcett
February 2, 1947 – June 25, 2009

Men do not equal happiness

So, I was thinking last night while I was running, I had to think because my iPod battery was dead, that I have been relying on whether or not I had a man for my happiness.

I mean, I do what every girl, well maybe just me but whatev, does when they meet a guy. Fall head of heels even though I barely know him, start picturing our courtship, start planning our wedding, and naming our kids all with in the course of two or three weeks. I mean I have gotten better, but deep down I still think about those things. I did with Pre-bf, who should be known now as the invisible man. He was great in the beginning and then completely feel off the face of the Earth. At first I was completely heartbroken. When he didn't return my texts I would get all nervous and sweaty, pace around my house, do anything to take my mind of him. I felt horrible. But why?? Why was I letting this person, whom I barely even know, control my happiness and control my life? The more and more I thought about it, the more I realized how I was living my life. Letting them control me.

These questions also got me thinking more. Women spend so much of their time looking for a man, getting dressed for a man, getting in shape for a man. But why? Why can't we do these things for ourselves? Why do we spend SO much of our life thinking about the opposite sex? Do we all really feel that our life is not complete unless we have someone else there to share it with? Do we consider people failures if they never marry? If people die alone do we automatically assume they were sad too?

All these questions lead me to the conclusion that I have to be truely happy with myself before I find the right person. I have to really love me. Totally easier said then done, but I am more than willing to make these words a reality.

Compromising

Photo Credit

"If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise."

Sometimes, especially lately, I've been feeling trapped. I feel like a zombie or a robot going through the motions in my life. Get up, make coffee, go to work, come home.... blah blah blah. I feel trapped in a city that I have never really felt "at home" in. I feel like maybe the reason I haven't found a job or a guy here is that perhaps I don't belong here. Maybe deep down I don't want to find any of those things here because I don't want to be attached this place. I mean, isn't that why I broke up with BB in the first place? Because I felt that he held me here?

It's just that I'm scared. Flat out terrified of moving. If I go back "home" will that be giving up? What if I miss my friends that I've had the whole time I've lived here? What if I fail wherever I go? Will I be more miserable somewhere else? But then on the other hand, I feel if I don't try I will be settling. And that is my worst fear, is to settle because it's easy. Compromise my life because I'm afraid. That is even more terrifying to me.

I dream of moving to Hollywood and working as lowly PA on some crappy sitcom. Working 15 hour days until my feet hurt. Running around getting people who think they're important coffee. Getting yelled at for being wrong. I would do ANYTHING to be around that. I can feel the need pulling at my heart so hard.

I think if I stayed here and found a "nice boy" and a desk job that I would compromising my life. I think if I moved to Hollywood there will be terrible nights of regret and sadness and missing my life here. But don't you think it would be worth it, to of at least of tried?

Enjoying 20 instead of only 10

So my best friend Stephanie noticed that I was always complaining about my job and only looking forward to the weekends and not enjoying my weekdays. She said that is 20 days out of the month that I am hating. I had never looked at it that way. She was right. While I still hate my job I am trying to enjoy my 20 days as well as my 10. I'm striving to meet a goal of applying for 3 jobs a week and if I have to be at my job I am trying to make the best out of it. I am planning on talking to my boss about getting a raise. And as soon as things calm down a bit I am going to talk to her about a project I want to start there. Maybe she'll like that idea so much she'll up my pay even more! Who knows. My mom always says that the answer is always no if you don't ask the question.

Also, I have been talking to the same guy for the past 3- 4 weeks. Right now I am going to call him pre- bf. (Julie gave me that name. She kept calling him my boyfriend and I had to keep telling her that he's not my boyfriend. "Well, he's your pre- bf then.") So we will just go with that. We have so much in common it is a little scary. As far as the list goes, he meets the majority of it. I haven't had to worry about him calling me because he contacts me everyday. We have a great time together. The best part about him there is no BS between us. No games. I'm myself around him. I can talk to him so easily. He's so genuine and not fake. It is so nice for a change.

Also at the end of week 10 I lost 2.6 pounds for a total loss of 9.8. I have already gone down 1 pant size. It feels pretty good.

I tend to chit chat about the same stuff a lot. Boys, job (or lack there of) and my weight loss. While these things are important I really need to stop for a minute, or two, and write about something important.... friendship. I spent the majority of my weekend watching a good portion of the second season of Sex and the City. This is one of my favorite shows of all time. To the outsider this show may look like its about 4 women and the men they date. Yes this is true, but it more about the relationship these 4 women have with each other. That saying is so true... men come and go but your girlfriends will always be there.

I have had many different friendships over my lifetime. Some I will never forget, some where middle school foolishness, one that has surpassed 10 years and 1000 miles and one that is very important to me right now.

So, what makes a good friendship? Having a great time together, being able to talk to the other person and really have them listen, and the ability to tell them anything without them judging you. And vice versa. A relationship is give and take. Sometimes you have to give more than you take. And perhaps that is where I falter. Friendships take work, just like any other relationship in my life. I sometimes just except people to be my friend without me doing anything. I don't listen as much I should. I should call just to see how they are. I have found myself being selfish. And that is something I DO NOT want to be. That's a horrible thing to be. I want my friends to be able to come to me if something is wrong. I want them to be able to trust me to share their feelings, turmoils, and joys. I want to be a better friend. I know the year is now half way over but I don't think it's ever too late to make a new years resolution. I resolve this year (or whats rest of it) to be a better friend.

To all of my friends out there, thank you for being in my life. I appreciate all you have done for me and I promise to totally rock at being your friend.

Weight loss and boys... yet again

I know it's all I practically talk about anymore. lol! But you have to admit it is a bit interesting, right? Both things are going really well in both departments!

First and foremost my weight loss.

At the end of week 8 I have lost a total of 8.2 pounds! That is 5% of my starting weight. I'm half way there. Weight Watchers gave me a big huge star sticker that says "5%." I was extremely happy. Yesterday morning as I was getting dressed for work I noticed a pair of jeans that I haven't been able to fit in for over a year. I was like"I wonder...?" I tried them on and they fit! They weren't digging into my sides or creating the infamous muffin top. They just fit. I was so happy I almost cried. It was official. I have gone down one size in my jeans.

Secondly, boys.

While boys still suck... they are slowly getting better. Or should I say, I'm getting better about them. I realized that I need to calm the #$%@ down and just concentrate on loving myself. Which I did. My mom also told me about a new dating site called Plenty of Fish. Lame I know but I decided to check it out. Seemed harmless, not to mention absolutely free, so I signed up. Now I am no stranger to online dating. I have been doing it for years. The vast majority of the guys I go out with I meet online. Don't worry. I know all the precautions of this way of dating and always take them. I don't want to say too much but things are going really well already. I have been on one really good date. And you know how they say if they like you they will find a way to contact you. Let's just say that is definitely true.

Loving me!!

"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
- Carrie Bradshaw

So every girl has a little psycho in them! Please, please, please forgive my last post. I can't believe how I over reacted over literally nothing! Maybe I can blame it on PMS? Perhaps? Well whatever it was I am feeling better this evening.

I may not show it a lot but I don't have the best self- esteem and I know it. I'm not 100% as to why that is, but nevertheless it's true. I know that there is something missing in my life. So, I try to fill it with boys and food. (Which I have come to the conclusion that they were both placed on this Earth by the Devil himself.) Those are two of the things that I think will make me happy at the time. But usually in the end, do not. Like big fatty fast food hamburgers and boys who only make me feel good for a night, a day, a week. Neither of them make me feel good in the long run. In the end they make me fat and feeling lonely. So.... what do I need to do? Get better self- esteem! And how am I going to do that? Well... I am going to... uhhh... well first I will.... *clears throat*... yeah. I don't know how the heck I'm going to do that. Well I do know that if I had a better job, one where I don't cry everyday when I pull into the parking lot, and made money that a normal person could survive on then I might have a bit more self- esteem. I also do know that once I hit my goal Weight Watchers weight I will definitely feel better about myself. So, maybe I do have a plan after all. I know it's not something I am going to gain over night. I know it's going to take some work, but I'm willing. I just want to be happy, and especially happy about how I feel about myself. And then, maybe, just maybe I might find someone that loves the me that I love. But as the age old saying goes, I'll never find someone to love me if I don't love me first. Carrie was definitely right... as always.

It can never be easy

"As long as you know men are like children, you know everything." - Coco Chanel

Boys suck. Suck suck suck. S.U.C.K. suck! I am SO over them. I'm tired of playing their stupid little games. I'm tired of trying to figure out what the hell they are thinking. I'm tired of waiting around for them to call when they don't. I'm just tired of it. And it's stressing me out when it shouldn't. Even writing this right now is making me tear up. And I hate that it is doing that to me. My mom is telling me to just stop. Stop trying to find a guy. Stop worrying so much about them. And I want to but... I am feeling this constant need for a companion. I miss having someone in my life like that. It has been a year and a half that I have been single. That is the longest I have ever been. Perhaps it's for the best. I really don't know.

Take for example the date I had on Wednesday. It was fantastic! He took me out to dinner, suggested we do something else, went and played pool and practically closed the bar down, then talked to almost 5:30 in the morning! We were totally into each other. He texted me both Thursday and Friday night. Then nothing at all Saturday, Sunday.... then I caved and texted him last night. He did respond though. And at the end of our conversation when we were saying our goodnights he texted "night sweetheart." Ok... is that a good thing? I dunno. I know I am trying to read way more into this than I should. But this always happens. It can never be easy huh?

Wow... I just read what I wrote and I sound like a crazy psycho chick! Lol! Ok I'm going to go for a run and calm the "f" down.

By the way... I lost another pound last week. That is a total of 6.8! Go me!

Blog in bullets

• Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my college graduation. This whole not finding a job yet sucks. I can think of some other choice words to give my situation but since my Mother and Father read my blog I don't think they would be very appropriate.
  

• I went back home for my momma's graduation two weekends ago. She got her long anticipated PHD and is now officaly Dr. Mom! I'm SO proud of her! I also got to see my brother, sister- in- law, my niece, and my cousin from LA. It was so great hanging out with everyone. My niece is the cutest thing on the planet. I have the most adorable video of her but I need to get permission from her parents if I can post it.
  

• We are almost finished with production on The Storm's End. We spent a long two days this past weekend filming. Here are some pictures from "behind the scenes."

Yup... this was all I did on set... no not really. Just waiting for one of the actors to change his wardrobe.


Watching the the whole hair and makeup process.


Me and the sound guy checking focus on Johnny 5... AKA "Cinco Juan"



Me and the clapboard... we're total BFF's.

• I'm going on week 7 of Weight Watchers. And so far so good. At the end of week 6 I lost 1.6 pounds for a total of 5.8 pounds with 22.4 pounds to loose I only need to loose 16.6 more!

Ummmm.... that's about it. Well I do have a date on Wednesday but I don't want to say anything yet because it's too soon. If it goes well I'm sure you will hear about it and if it doesn't go well I'm still you will hear about it too. :-)

Under the Bridge... literal version

My brother showed me this. I think the guy that made this is my future husband. I'm just saying....

Upside of being single during a recession

I found this article on another blog and thought it was pretty true/ funny. It's about the upside of being single during a recession.

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-the-upside-of-being-single-in-a-recession/

I found this on Katie's blog and I thought I would share it with you all. It was kinda fun. You should try it. :-)

DIRECTIONS:

- Go to Google image search.
- Type in your answer to each question.
- Choose a picture from the first page.
- Use this website (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php) to make your collage.

QUESTIONS:

1. What is your name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What is your hometown?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. What is your favorite movie?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What is one word to describe yourself?
10. How are you feeling right now?
11. What do you love most in the world?
12. What do you want to be when you grow up?

My answers

1. Becky
2. Pasta
3. Omaha
4. Blue
5. Back to the Future
6. Water
7. Italy
8. Chocolate Mousse
9. Friendly
10. Tired
11. Family
12. Movie Director

Yes it is me

So I'm going on week 5 of my Weight Watchers diet. As of today I have lost 3.4 pounds. Not too bad. I gained a pound and half the second week for some reason so I was kinda set back one week. But I feel like I'm doing really well now. WW recommends that you put some sort of exercise into the program. It speeds up the weight loss and is all around better for you. I've never been a gym kinda person and I can't really afford it at this time. So, I needed to figure out a way to exercise for free. My sister- in- law mentioned that she started running. She found an 8 week training program online and suggested I do the same. The program tells you exactly what to do every day for 8 weeks. At the end of the program you should be able to run for 30/ 2 miles without stopping. As I write this I just did my first day today. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't entirely difficult either. I know I'm going to be super sore tomorrow. But it will be worth it for sure. I'm so excited! Plus there are some HOT guy candy at the track. :-)

My mom also introduced me to the single best website ever. Hungry-girl.com This website is perfect for people on weight watchers because it gives the points for each recipe. It's also great for single people because most of the recipes are for one serving. They are also great for people on a budget. Most of the recipes don't call for very many ingredients. Plus they are super easy. Here are some of my favorites.

Citrus-licious Egg White Salad


Ingredients:
6 large hard-boiled egg whites, chopped (about 2 cups)
1/4 cup finely chopped celery
1/4 cup finely chopped red bell pepper
1/4 cup finely chopped red onion
3 tbsp. fat-free mayonnaise
1 tsp. creamy Dijon mustard
1 tsp. lime juice
1/2 tsp. lemon juice
1/8 tsp. salt
1/8 tsp. pepper

Directions:
Place onions in a small microwave-safe bowl with 1 tbsp. of water. Cover and microwave for 1 1/2 minutes. Once cool enough to handle, drain water and allow to cool completely.

In a separate dish, stir together the mayo, mustard, lime juice, lemon juice, salt, and pepper. Once the onions have cooled, combine them with the chopped egg whites, red pepper and celery. Then add the mayo mixture, and stir until thoroughly mixed. Now devour...

MAKES 2 SERVINGS

PER SERVING (half of recipe, about 1 cup): 90 calories, 1g fat, 556mg sodium, 9g carbs, 1.5g fiber, 4g sugars, 11g protein -- POINTS®value 2*


Pigs on a stick wrapped in a bacon blanket

Ingredients:
1 Hebrew National 97% Fat Free Beef Frank
1 portion refrigerated Pillsbury Reduced Fat Crescent Rolls (unprepared)
1 slice extra- lean turkey bacon
1 think wooden skewer (i didn't use these but if you do they are more fun)
Optional mustard, ketchup, relish (for dipping)

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Skewer the hot dog length wise on the stick. Set aside.

Stretch or roll out the triangle- shaped dough slightly, to make it a larger triangle. Place hot dog along the base and gently but firmly roll it up. Squeeze the dough gently to ensure it is secure around the hot dog.

Carefully wrap bacon around the length of the dough- covered hot dog, so it looks like a spiral.

Place your blanketed pup in a baking pan sprayed lightly with nonstick spray. Bake in the oven for about 14- 16 minutes, until dough appears slightly browned and crispy.

Let cool slightly. If you like, dip your dog into one or more of the optional ingredients.

Makes 1 Serving.

PER SERVING (entire recipe): 155 calories, 6.5g fat, 760mg sodium, 15g carbs, 0g fiber, 2g sugars, 11g protein -- POINTS® value 4*



Stuffed Chicken Cordon Bleu



Ingredients:
One 5-oz. raw boneless skinless lean chicken breast cutlet
1 wedge The Laughing Cow Light Original Swiss Cheese, room temperature
1 oz. (about 3 slices) 97 - 98% fat-free ham slices
salt and black pepper, to taste


Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Put chicken in a large sealable plastic bag, squeeze out as much air as you can, and seal. Using a meat tenderizer or a can, carefully pound chicken through the bag until it is about 1/4-inch thick. Remove chicken from the bag, and season to taste with salt and pepper on both sides.

Lay the chicken flat and spread the cheese wedge over it. Evenly layer the ham slices on top of the cheese. Starting with one of the longer sides (or any side, if it's square), tightly roll up the chicken breast cutlet, and secure with toothpicks

Place chicken roll in a baking dish lined with foil and/or sprayed with nonstick spray, and then cover the baking dish with foil.

Bake in the oven for 20 minutes. Carefully remove the foil covering the dish. Continue to bake (uncovered) for an additional 15 minutes, or until chicken is cooked through.

MAKES 1 SERVING
Serving Size: 1 chicken cordon bleu (entire recipe) Calories: 222 Fat: 4.5g Sodium: 692mg Carbs: 2g Fiber: 0g Sugars: 1g Protein: 40g POINTS® value 5*


Go Hungry Girl!!! She totally rocks my socks!

Moments to relive

Since I haven't gotten any applicants for Prince Charming yet, I'm gonna stop whining and start blogging.

You know when you think of a really good idea for a blog and you are like "I am definitely going to write about that later!" Then later comes and you have totally forgotten what that was. Well I thought of a great idea yesterday and instead of just trying to remember it I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget.

I was watching Good Morning America, like I do every morning, while I was getting ready for work and a commercial came on for some bank. I wasn't really paying attention to which one it was. But it showed parents helping their son move into college for the first time. It was very melancholy and slightly sad. The parents walking out hand in hand and the son watching them leave from his dorm room window. That got me thinking about that same experience I had with my Mom. That was a BIG moment in my life. I also was slightly jealous of the guy in the commercial. I kinda wish I could relive that moment again.

Which brings me to the topic of this post. What moments in my life would I like to relive again? What moments were so special that I would like to go back and relive them all over. It came down to 6. There is one I'm not going to write about. Just because it was SO special that if I told the whole wide world, I believe it might loose some of its specialness.

• When I was a sophomore in High School I went to go see The Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert. At the time they were one of my favorite bands. It was a great concert. But the best part about it was when they sang the song "Under The Bridge." They turned all the house lights off in the huge civic auditorium and at this time people still held up lighters (not cell phones) so thats all the light that there was. I think every single person in the audience was singing out loud. So much so that you could hardly hear the band singing. It was an awesome moment!

• The day my mom dropped me off at college for the first time. It was so surreal to walk back up to my room from the parking lot after saying goodbye to her, into my dorm room and think "shit." I guess this is it. I was left alone to fend for myself for the very first time.

• When I was in elementary school I was a girl scout. That's why I am always prepared now for anything. They taught me well. One summer we went camping, if you could call it that. We stayed in a cabin. But it was out in the woods and not in the city. If thats not camping then I dont know what is. Anyway, that night the chaparones decided to take us on a night hike. I dont remember why there were bleachers at the campsite but we walked to the bleachers and sat down. I remember looking up and REALLY seeing the stars for the first time. I was raised in the city where there was light pollution, so stars were few and far between. That night there was seriously a billion stars. Every inch of the sky was covered in stars. I was in awe! It was beautiful. I will never forget that moment.
  

• All I'm going to say about the moment I cant talk about it is that it involved one of the only two guys I have ever loved.

• Seeing my niece for the first time. I couldn't believe my brother/ "dodo head" had a part in creating this beautiful perfect little girl. She was absolutely amazing and still is.

• Last October I got to see my name on the big screen! A film I was the AD (assistant director) for was in a local film festival. Making that movie was one of the funnest times in my life, so seeing my name under the Assistant Director credit was amazing. I cried buckets. Hopefully that moment is something I will get experience again and again during my life. That is my goal anyway. :-)
  

What are the moments from your life would you like to relive again if you could? It doesnt have to be big momentous occasions. Just something that meant a lot the first time and it would be awesome to relive again. What are some moments you could have done without the first time?

Prince Charming

I don't know why he has been on my mind so much lately. It's getting kinda annoying actually.

In no particular order...

• Loves music! Much better if we like the same artists. Beatles, Green Day, Weezer, Bob Dylan...
• Has a passion for something in his life. Whether is be writing, basketball, music, snowboarding, photography... something that makes life worth living that he loves to do.
• Smart. I like to be able to hold an intelligent conversation. School isn't super important but I would like to be able to relate on that level.
• Close with his family. I'm super close to mine so that would be very important.
• Respectful. Of me, of friends, family, and complete strangers.
• Trustworthy. Doesn't even know the meaning of cheat.
• Caring. Cares what I care about.
  
• Fun! Nobody likes a wet blanket.
• Likes to plan important things but can also be spontaneous too!
• Be able to communicate feelings. If something is bothering you then tell me. I can't stand people that hold feelings in. There's no point.
• Doesn't get angry easily.
• Patient
• Knows the value of a dollar.
• Good listener
• Loves movies as much as me.
• Good memory
• Good/ Great sense of humor. That is one of the most important things to me. I LOVE to laugh.
• Goofy.
• Self confident. Isn't afraid to be himself.
• Good hygiene
  
• Non- smoker
• Likes to read
• Complimentary
  
• Taller than me. I'm 5'4"
• Nice smile
• Embraces my dorkiness
• Open- minded
• Easy- going

I'm currently taking applications.

Chasing Dreams

I am very blessed in my life. I have TWO great and VERY loving parents. I wouldn't be the person I am today with them. Although they both live far away from me I know they think about me every day and would do anything for me.

I have the coolest, hands down, older brother, the best sister- in- law anyone could ask for, and the sweetest baby niece in the world!

I have many friends that love and care about me very much. I have several friends that I would even call best friends.

So, like I said I am a very lucky person to have so many people in my life that love me and care about me.

But sometimes I feel like I am lacking jut one more person. That special someone that makes your life better with them in it. The person that compliments you in every way. A companion, a mate. I know that I am young, 24 almost 25, but I wish that someone were in my life now. I am a very independant person. I have a job, well kinda two jobs, lots of friends, and hobbies. I take care of myself on my own. I like the person that I am growing up to be, but I wish I had someone to share that with. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others. But I look at some of my friends that are so happily in love it just makes me feel so lonely. I want someone to look at me like there was no one else in the world and I want to look at someone and know that I am a better person because they are in my life.

I'm tired of dating. I'm tired of playing games. I'm tired of meeting stupid immature boys. I think all of those stupid fairy tales royaly screwed me up. Is there such a thing as Prince Chaming? Or am I just chasing dreams?

Stephanie's return

I tried to post a picture every week of my bestie while she was away. But I ran out of pictures. So sad I know. But guess what?? She's home! Finally! I missed her so much. Here is a picture from our happy hour reunion. Can't you tell how happy I am??



Sunday is Easter. And I get to spend it with my bestie at her house. She's making a ham and some potatoes and I'm making my famous secret recipe cake. (I really need to come up with a different name. That one just kinda sucks.)

Am I ready?

So I have been single for a while now. In June it will be about a year and a half. That is the longest I have gone since I graduated high school 7 years ago. I was always a relationship person. Went from long relationship to long relationship without very much time in between any of them. And I liked it like that. I liked having a boyfriend. When I wasn't with someone I was always looking for my next boyfriend. But over this year and a half I have gotten used to not being with anyone. Only taking care of myself and have become very independent. I like not having to report to anyone or make my plans around anyone else. Also, during this year and half I have realized what is necessary for me in and what I definitely need in a mate. So, much so that I have become super picky. Not like I don't give guys a chance. I do. But recently I met someone that I kinda like. That I might possibly want a relationship further down the road with. So, why does that thought scare me? Is it him or me? I don't want to miss out on a good person because I don't want to be in a relationship. Or maybe I'm just not ready to be. I thought I was, but maybe I'm not. How will I know when I am ready? I guess time will only tell.

A letter to my computer

Dear a million year old computer,

We have had some found memories together. I remember picking you out online when the internet was still new and exciting. You were my first big thing I ever purchased on my own. I remember getting you in the mail in a million different boxes. We had some great times my freshman year in college. Remember those late nights staying up IMing and downloading music? I sure do.

But now things are quite different. Time has really flown by. I can't believe we have spent more than 7 years together. Back when I got you, 15 gigs of hard drive space was a lot. I'm sorry to say that it isn't that way anymore. Sometimes it can be a bit frustrating when only 3 out of your 6 USB ports work. You are getting old and slow.

At this point in my life right now, I need a computer that is going to be lighting speed with tons of hard drive space. And you just aren't cutting it anymore. I don't even want to know why you won't even let AIM run properly. What did it ever do to you? My friends cant even tell that I am online when I am. No wonder people havent been IMing me.

While I will always have a special place in my heart for you ol' Dell. I think it may be time for a new computer. I already have one in mind. I don't want to hurt your feelings too bad but its name rhymes with shack.

But don't worry. I'll be with you till the end. I'll be there for you holding your mouse gingerly in my hand, recalling all those wonderful times we've had together.

Thanks for everything,

Bex

This one's for Faith

Faith said she liked this one better... Thanks Erin... I totally stole this pic from your myspace. It was just too easy!